Miss you a lot Dadu… | :(

I seriously don’t know where to start with….
This thought.. makes me go blank… out of words…
What is there , is only an unbearable pain which can’t be expressed…
a crying heart deep inside.. which cannot be seen even with open eyes…
a sense of defeat from destiny.. a sense of loneliness..
I can’t forget the most painful day of my life…when my Grandfather left for his
heavenly abode.. leaving all of us behind…
We have a small family which had all in all six ppl. My grandfather.. who was a very well educated doctor.. MBBS from KGMC Lukcnow.. n PG from London.. member of British Medical Association.. & the oldest ‘Radiologist’ of Faizabad city…
My grandmother.. who is also a doctor.. my dad .. my mom.. & my young brother…
Its a totally different family.. than today's modern families are…
Our family has always been clubbed with affection.. values.. & love towards elders & children…
We always travel together…& are very attached to each other…
My dad is another example of Shravan Kumar.. who himself is an MBA… left his lucrative job of Branch manager.. just to come back to Faizabad & serve his parents…
I wonder.. ‘ll I ever be able to be like him one day… ??
One can achieve great heights in terms of career.. which are well acknowledged in this materialistic world.. but rarely can one achieve this status which my dad has achieved in my eyes…
I myself am a emotional person.. bt weak at expressing them infront of others…
fail to show my feelings to my parents at times..
My only friend when it comes to sharing my sorrows & tears..is my childhood friend which never betrayed me.. my lonliness… I had been an introvert throughout, a shy guy indeed..
Though after getting into engineering.. I faced a tough life which I had never ever imagined in my dreams.. which made me a sort off tough guy & an extrovert…
I had always been pampered throughout my childhood that’s why may be I was a spoilt boy.. for whom his luxuries had become his necessities, in a country where more than 70% of ppl. don’t have enough to feed their tummy twice a day…
It’s always easier to discuss things but its very difficult to bear them…
I remember Sunday 5th april 09, I was at my Masi place.. in Gzb.. when my dad called me up..
Telling me this shocking news of my Dadu’s demise.. I was dumb struck.. but no tears fell out of my eyes.. I did not know.. what sort of strength God gave me to at that moment.. I rushed to station & got a general ticket.. went to a sleeper boogie.. but my luck was so hard.. that I got a B***** TT in that train.. who took advantage of my need.. The next day when I reached Lucknow.. the special checking squad caught me.. & that bloody TT was no where to save me.. Whom I had to bribe more than a reasonable amount.. But somehow.. I managed an escape from that squad after so much of request & plea they left me .. when I gave them a few acquaintances of my dad in railways.
From there on I went to a general boogie.. for the 2nd time in my life.. 1st was with my frnd in diwali when our train got cancelled.
And guess what.. there was no place to sit..as usual & So I decided to sit on the floor for 1st time ever in my life.. I was so dejected.. that words like ego.. shame etc .. were no where to be thought about..
I reached home at around 10:00am.. there was huge gathering of ppl. At my home.. I entered home from the backside.. met dad..
That was the first time ever I saw him crying in my life.. I was like…blank, my heart started beating so fast.. there was adrenaline rush in my veins.. & a flow of tears in my eyes.. I cudn’t refrain my self anymore from crying.. somehow.. I reached my front verandah.. where my dadu laid in white bedsheet.. I was totally broken.. lost.. felt the most helpless that day..
That was infact the most helpless moment of my life …. I saw my grandmother.. who has got that tremendous will power.. to provide strength to our family.. was very calm.. my mom was crying.. my brother with tears in his eyes.. standing at a corner..
After sometime.. it was the time for cremation.. so body had to be taken to ghat for all the proceedings.. that was the last time I kissed my Dadu…
We went there.. and did the final cremation.. came back home thereafter..
The next day we went to pravah the astiyas.. in river Saryu (where Lord Rama took route to his Vaikunt dham after his stay in Ayodhya) & thereafter after the Shanti Hawan at our home the next day I left to college cause of my sessional tests scheduled in my college.. to my surprise I scored well in all without much study..
Even today when I come back home.. my heart is not able to believe the truth.. whenever I came home he was the first person to kiss me.. I touched his feet the first…
That’s all for now.. I even see my dadu in my dreams at times.. I know he’ll always be alive in our hearts.. I miss him a lot.. I know his blessings are with me… & one day as I have promised him I’ll be famous like him.. I’ll prove my self one fine day…
from a nobody today.. I’ll be somebody one day…!! :)